Fourth of July Fireplace

Happy Fourth to all! I based this fireplace on ideas that were online.  These tasteful burlap buntings were at Aldi’s!


Give It a Final Rest

Seal those scenes of sorrow

in ashy vesuvian vaults.

Cement the attrified movement

away from  reach of even thought

lest the brushes of countless rehearsals

carve bad memories into monsters

who eat the best and leave the rest

till only, only what’s offal remains.

But first, hammer the good in gold

in high relief upon the lid.

Honor the newfound kindred

and kindness those twisted statues bred.

So if by chance this grave is excavated

only the lovely is ever celebrated.

The beautiful cover hides what’s hated

The inside unheeded, is never raided.







This is my little one on Easter!

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The Pure Joy of Doing Stuff

Remember before the internet doing something for the pure joy of doing it? I remember getting so into a book I was reading that it seemed like my soul came partially out of my body and hovered between me and the page. People said I looked happy.  I remember how it was almost a physical itch to draw. I would be so excited that without even a plan, my pen would just start doodling over the page. There were sketchbooks filled with bold marked art because it came from my heart. People looked semi horrified as my whole body would crumple over the page in forceful concentration.  Isn’t it funny how you literally feel these things in your heart. Like heart hunger. It’s one of the less good things about the internet. It’s as irrevocable as innocence it seems, to get back the pure joy of doing things.

Sold the Reindeer Farm

One time I was talking to someone who suffers from anxiety and they told me something very interesting about the pills which seems to apply to other nervousness numbers as well. “The medication does take away the worry…but it takes away everything else as well. You see a happy kid running in the park, and you’re just like, ‘whatever.’”

Sometimes I get so solicitous first about the old people in the nursing home, now about my kids and sometimes even my own health and how it effects pregnancy that my greatest wish is to have somehow set up a life completely free of both responsibility towards anyone else and indebtedness towards anyone.

Then my mind flies to the cow farm in upstate New York, Canada or even the reindeer ranch in Alaska. The farm has been a daydream for years ever since I was young since I like animals.  But the setting for it has gotten farther away away as the amount of dear people has grown.

But those fantastical trips to the unpopulated north are over. The exotic livestock farm is no more. I do suffer anxiety because I have chosen the warmth of real life. It’s hard keeping mini crazy people from committing accidental suicide! But if that’s the price you pay to bring whole new people into the world and maybe feel a tad of joy yourself, then I choose it, even during a panic attack. And no more regrets that when I got married I wasn’t yet wise enough to be completely selfish.


Remember these guys from last year? I added four more! Lol!