I read this a few years ago for the first time and even though the language IS bad and the tone IS harsh, I appreciate the sentiment. My whole life I have struggled to even maintain a normal level of competence. When I was really young I was homeschooled and terribly behind in school. I finally caught up in seventh grade at an actual school. It was very hard and embarrassing being new and super far behind. I was shy and serious which did not help. So I worked on becoming more clever and made myself known for funniness. I didn’t have the best hygiene and got terrible colds every year. But my first and only job finally taught me to wash my hands more and the colds lessened for a while. I was terrified, I mean like panic level, of approaching people on that job. I was as friendly as I could be. I was scared witless of driving but I finally forced myself at almost 21 to get the license because I did not want to inconvenience others with needing a ride. I was over 200 lbs. I lost the darn weight by literally pedaling to the metal for an hour straight on the stair master most days. I ate sausage kale soup. I was terrified of boys but I wanted a family. So at 23, yup, I finally just decided to meet people. That time I kind of cheated by using a dating site. Haha! The theme of my story is that I started out with so many issues and I improved myself so I could have a life but it was also that I need to not be a burden on others. That is why I hate it when people want me to just accept my fate, which by the way, is a pagan, Norse concept. The thought of staying the way I am naturally is horrifying. Acceptance should only come after you really try your absolute hardest to change the situation. And then and only then, there is no shame in it.
Lately I have been blessed with a life with a sweet, helpful and hardworking husband a friendly toddler and a new baby on the way. I get to stay home and do things I like to do for once since starting real school back when I was 13. And now it seems like since my environment has gotten easier, I’ve gotten softer. This first trimester, I have fallen into laziness which has caused sleeplessness which is resulting in rants on da blog at odd hours. The first time I was pregnant, I watched what I ate and stayed in shape. I worked so hard the morning sickness hardly ever showed itself. I went through induced labor with no pain relief and little training. For the rest of this pregnancy and forever, I am going to work for my family, and I mean hard, or get in shape or build my knowledge and skill bases and yes, pray since I am a fool and need God’s help to hover slightly above the level of a frightened, obese and lazy slob.